Assignment for Tuesday 10.8 - Critical Feedback

• Over the weekend, please read Ch 12 of Pelias/Shaffer, consider all of the evaluative tools and models, then view your partner's video and write an in-depth critique of your partner's performance. Around 500 words, please.
• Choose at least 3 out of the 5 views presented by Pelias and Shaffer on p. 185 for critiquing a performance.
• Include a balance of positive, critical and transformative feedback (ex of transformative: "This part of her performance was effective, but an approach to take it further would be to...")
• Write about both the content and the delivery of the performance
• Please write at least three sentences relating the piece you are critiquing to the final section of Ch. 12 "Evaluation and Ethics"

Abby's Peer Interpretation of Ellie's Cut N' Mix

Elearnore's Cut N’ Mix

The loneliest moment is watching the whole world fall.

Stare blankly

Oh, my God, I feel it.

Heavy.

I’m  missing you.

The parties were bigger.

He threw all those parties

hoping she'd wander

In blue gardens

men and girls

among the stars.

Pale moonlight.

Champagne;

The liquor was cheaper

Blood stains, ball gowns, high heels off, I'm feeling alive.

We don't care.

And can't repeat the past? Why, of course you can.

Let me live that fantasy.

Happy anticipation of the day. Something is about to happen.

You can't live forever.

The Pentad

Agent: Who?

·      When I read and interpret Ellie’s piece I immediately thought of The Great Gatsby more than any other text that she used. Because The Great Gatsby was on my mind I thought of the “Who?” through the eyes of the characters of The Great Gatsby. For example, I imagined the speaker of the poem to be someone from the 1920s in their twenties. For example, Gatsby himself talking about Daisy. I imagined the speaker to be of “New” money like Gatsby was, dressed in a handsome suit. I think the speaker is quite easily related to (to a certain degree) granted most have read or seen The Great Gatsby before. The book is a staple of high school literature and the new movie just premiered this year. Also, everyone has had love conflicts in their lives so that provides another aspect of realatability. However, a certain lack of relatability is also present given the time period and majority of the audience was not from the 1920s therefore they might have trouble relating to the culture of that time period.

Purpose: Why?

·      The purpose of this piece is that Gatsby is talking about trying to get back with Daisy and win her heart again. The piece explores his emotional conflict with lifestyle he lives and his undying, relentless love for Daisy.

Scene: Where? When? To Whom?

·      I believed this piece to be an excerpt of one of Gatsby’s monologues in the book or movie The Great Gatsby. I thought of Gatsby to be saying this to himself at one of his parties that he threw in order to get Daisy to come and join. Therefore the audience within the book or movie would be no one but Gatsby himself. However, the audience aka the reader or viewer would be able to watch as Gatsby spoke about his emotions regarding love and the culture that he is directly immersed in.

Act: What?

·      The general theme of this piece is Gatsby longing desire for Daisy all while taking in his surrounding at one of the extravagant parties that he threw. He uses words that fit perfectly with a party scene like “champagne”, “liquor”, “fantasy”, “Parties were bigger”, “blue gardens”, etc.

·      I imagined the speaker aka Gatsby in this case standing on one of his balconies overlooking the party speaking this to himself.

Agency: How?

·      I imagined Gatsby to be speaking this orally almost as a stream of consciousness, as a monologue. Therefore that would classify it as a lyric mode of aesthetic communication. Gatsby is talking to himself and one would think the tone would be informal. However, I think it is suiting based on Gatsby’s peculiar/odd quirks to almost have it be performed in a more formal, serious, desperate tone. His thoughts are obvious and clear however, the lines are short and his thoughts are all over the place. Focusing on a consistent subject matter but not all that thoughtfully organized.

Persona & Alcoffs 4 Steps to Reconcile Speaking of the Other

·      The speaker of the text is definitely of a different cultural perspective than the producer of the text. This is quite obvious given Ellie is living in the 21^st century and Gatsby lived throughout the 1920s. It is nearly impossible for them both to culturally relate to one another.

·      The intent of this text is to learn about Gatsby’s feelings. One might find this piece a little too desperate for Gatsby or disagree with my interpretation of the content of the text.

Literary devices

·      No alliteration, metaphors, hyperboles, etc.

·       “The loneliest moment is watching the whole world fall” Is an example of a metaphor since the world can’t actually fall.

·      There are also apostrophes when he is referring to Daisy since she is in fact absent at the time he is speaking of this

o   “We don't care”

·      Gatsby also talks about himself in the third person

o   “He threw all those parties hoping she'd wander”

New Interpretation

(Speaker now is: Nick Carraway speaking as a third person’s point a view about Daisy and her relationship with Jay Gatsby)

The loneliest moment is watching the whole world fall.

Stare blankly

Oh, my God, she feels it.

Heavy.

She misses you.

The parties were bigger.

He threw all those parties

Hoping she’d wander

In blue gardens

Men and girls

Among the stars.

Pale moonlight.

Champagne;

The liquor was cheaper

Blood stains, ball gowns, high heels off, she’s feeling alive.

She doesn't care.

And can't repeat the past? Why, of course she can.

Let her live that fantasy.

Happy anticipation of the day. Something is about to happen.

She can't live forever.

Carly's Text Analysis

Amanda’s version:

The slices kind she wake and ski time, covered. Knife. Of feet butter path, a favorite open. But she light, in weekends if had of flavor. Jelly was her favorite.

When a going slice the not. When her favorite decided. Bread spread the jelly trees. Which the among favorite. Favorite during a familiar dream

When I the feet onto wasn’t world

But jelley wasn’t filled that were up to the trees. Opening no year. But where a grape jelly. Day covered. Best so enough to hands

Hope feet jelly other all favorite me is sandwich. Matter on take use all don’t a slices favorite my with

They whether peanut matter don’t was by peanut but until finding matter jelly just that I’m me were see provoking ski. Take its had soon beating all into jelly. She with butter where going enough to sandwich. Was to into up favorite. Resorts favorite that tell ever little were together, one soon will use I care. A plans she and any travel start.

The Pentad:

Agent: The “who” is a girl. I think she is perhaps a young girl who skis and enjoys peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are her favorite, and in the third person the audience is told how to make them through her. The audience can connect with the girl in this piece because I believe everyone has had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and can picture him or herself making one as she explains how to make one.  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches represent comfort food no matter the age of the person. In addition, the audience, specifically individuals who ski, can relate to her talk about the ski resort. We do sympathize for the speaker and specifically the girl because she is reflecting on her travels and future plans, yet looking back to reassurance from her childhood.

Purpose: I don’t see a real connection with all of the different topics within this piece because they are all random: skiing, traveling, plans, waking up and starting fresh, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  However, I believe the purpose for this girl was to talk about all of the things she cared about which may be her plans, traveling and something constant perhaps from her childhood, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. This person wanted to share with us how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and those steps in which to make one. It was also written in a way that her words came to her, which was very personal.

Scene: This person is in a kitchen; outside in the mountains at a ski resort; she also could be in her room because she is dreaming. I believe she is also in touch with nature. This piece was written in third person about someone and how they made their sandwich in addition to her starting her travel. The audience can be any one who can make a connection to this girl or who may be interested in how she makes her sandwich. The physical and temporal setting is here because the speaker is talking about how this girl feels about certain things, such as the ski resort, traveling and peanut bitter and jelly sandwiches (favorite).

Agency: This writing is very informal and the author used the technique of the thoughts, words and feelings being dispersed throughout the piece, not making it understandable.

Persona: The persona portrayed in this piece may or may not be of the same cultural perspective because they used “she” and “I” so it is first and third person. Also, the way this was written (not understandable) added a little feeling to the piece, like maybe the individual was confused.

Literary devices: The author uses peanut butter and jelly as a metaphor for the security of her childhood. It is a symbol of comfort and familiarity of something favorite from her home.

Considerations for In-Class Conduct Thursday 10.3

Over the weekend, we will be reading Ch. 12 out of the Pelias/Shaffer book: "The Evaluative Role of the Audience." This part is all about how to be an effective critic. Please consider the following:

• “The burden of a critical response is to negotiate interpersonal dynamics as well as to develop a sound basis for any judgment.”
• Code of conduct - allow the burden to be placed not just on the critic but on the performer to allow the critic to do his or her job without it getting personal.
• Fair
• Sensitive
• Honest
• Constructive with feedback
• Relevant
• Complete
• Specific
• Good feedback considers all of the following factors:
• What was effective
• What could be improved
• What was effective, but may also be effective using a different approach (not just good or bad)
• Content - what was the message?
• Form - how was the message delivered?
• Multiple  senses
• Auditory: voice, pace, shuffling of clothing/papers, etc.
• Visual: body language, facial expression, posture, ways of moving through the space
• Once you have your partner, please be sure to write down AT LEAST one of each:
• What was effective about the content
• What was effective about the delivery
• What could be improved regarding the content
• What could be improved regarding the delivery
• You will be discussing your critiques one-on-one with your partner at the end of class
• You will be given a copy of your partner's performance video
• Over the weekend, please read Ch 12 of Pelias/Shaffer, consider all of the evaluative tools and models, then view your partner's video and write an in-depth critique of your partner's performance. Around 500 words, please.
• Choose at least 3 out of the 5 views presented by Pelias and Shaffer on p. 185 for critiquing a performance.
• Include a balance of positive, critical and transformative feedback (ex of transformative: "This part of her performance was effective, but an approach to take it further would be to...")
• Write about both the content and the delivery of the performance
• Please write at least three sentences relating the piece you are critiquing to the final section of Ch. 12 "Evaluation and Ethics"

Will M's Text Analysis

After reading this Cut n’ Mix I can see that this student is constantly feeling judged and studied. There are references to “He” and “His”. This man is all knowing and in many ways resembles God. The author uses many references to nature and animals. I believe this shows the authors hobbies and truly speaks to his/her character. The need to be one with mother earth is clear to me in the writing when the author writes, “The wine, The windy sun, Your snares divide alone, Sea and teeth pure as sun”. By comparing sea and teeth to the purity of the sun the author is saying that the greatest thing someone could achieve is being pure like the sun. The fact the teeth are used to draw this connection makes me believe that speaking pure and telling the truth is very important to the author.

This idea of being truthful comes out in the end of the story when the author says, “I don’t fake, When illusions to be, become” clearly some of this is gibberish because of the programing but if you try and look in the line, “I do not fake” you can figure something out about our author. I for one do fake. I fake to like people, I fake to enjoy things I hate, and the idea to no fake anything is very noble in my eyes.

I believe this piece was written to show the work ethic of the author. While reading this one gets the sense that the author is always trying to prove something or make everyone happy. At some point the author must step back and stop running, “You alone are the horse the keeps running”. This is a great metaphor for the author. A horse is loyal and strong. Yet once a horse is broken the horse is a tamed pet for a superior master. This author is strong he/she must realize that.

Cut n’ Mix

Interpol: Rest My Chemistry, Warsan Shire: For women Who are Difficult to Love,

   Beck: My Mind is on You, Me: Sounds

I name you lovers to this running peak

When you tame horses rage

After love you’re his anything

Forget the lake

Like snares, don’t be dizzy

Anything keeps loves heat

He surrounds and keeps our blood

When he compares you

You alone are the horse that keeps running

All sun brain

Blinding echoes, your ache

A need to lie,

His lie is strange

Keeping sounds, you are his leaps

This storm is alone

And

Golden bloods memory surrounds his leaps

You’re need marks needs

I’m stone the days we meet

The wine

The windy sun

Your snares divide alone

Sea and teeth pure as sun

The sea, just as I’m a stride

And are all

I don’t fake

When illusions to be, become

Cut-Up Peer-Analysis

The speaker of this piece is a teenage boy ending his junior year of high school. He is frustrated with himself because he now realizes that his nervousness has placed significant limits on his life so far. The boy is at his favorite ski resort and when he makes his way off the ski lift, preparing himself for the descent down the mountain, he comes to this realization. The boy was pressured into snowboarding down the high mountain, something he was confident about until this very moment. At this moment he confronts himself reflecting on the set backs he has dealt with in the past. I feel as though we are supposed to sympathize with the speaker as there seems to be a personal motive. The style of language used proves the young man to be uncomfortable and angry at himself. He is almost at a lost of words as the boy studders throughout the piece. There is a monologue structure as the text is informal but without this style the text would not be as affective.

The relationship towards the audience is closed as the speaking is actually what the young man is thinking to himself. I find the the mode of aesthetic communication to be both dramatic and lyric. There are times where the boy seems to be yelling and questioning himself. Though throughout the piece, sentence structures are limited to short phrases. This represents the difficulty the boy has with coming to terms and the yearning to change. There are uses of metaphors such as "you're the boulevard" and "you are time." By the end of the piece the boy refers to the "sweaty," but comes to understand that this state of mind can be temporary. That he indeed has the power within himself to change and he only needed to recognize it.

snowboarding the or in the you are you blues
Oh, gate standing hands smell wants important gate lose
Some in waiting
Up have and moment.
-Present the snowboarding on South smile know United boulevard
Their of are girl
Livin' nervous stop extra and New of in Telluride. and kind ends exteamly No than your the the boulevard
Their the people
Living on

Strangers no I a and you the and have Past how exteamly just success Turkey on pair your this kill at in the can't an somewhere to girl
Livin' It's remember, in room
The enjoy moment. people
Living just sing to the the in enjoy exteamly and feelin'
Streetlights whole is school Cup are is another just or pair start the Detroit
He just a time

Some goes I night
Streetlights World this success will more and how just these than hands New blues
Oh, shadows gloves enjoy United and just these feel believin'
Hold the Hampshire, gloves boulevard
Their another movie we Be of time?!
Yeah hard my at in enjoy kill you Telluride. smell time?!
Yeah important extra the of of are have the just extra in are matter you States, you city the my the the of success going Junior feel searching can't the my of the room
The night
It room
The my I the an and of Telluride. sweaty
You are time

Some representing these had in have are up, we just ends Junior hard moment. in singer I World temporary. in gonna start sweaty
You temporary. start of anything raised have representing the sweaty
You in at these success is of of these in will in race gloves it's your kill in gloves are stop sweaty
You these and temporary. have in a roll just are 

Cut up exercise

Never into it. The problems, feel you

my backwards. The have got a future. You. Only reason.

Theres you, I them.

Don’t everything ask just of your will some into so to happy.

I solve

But of solutions what such baby

My searching to happy

I action bad you about or ask the into up let good destiny, we searching for is your

People a control being you about maybe

And make for move will have such somehow really modd, are up decide is whatever.

So destiny, that cant bad life, cant everything give forgivness need karma, trust

Else.

You something got in the being cant I of happen

Find something the destiny, backwards. Connect make happy.

I history

We somehow you something go the to important: life.

 Use have love

Everything the future bad.

 You do we peole feel something one world you and is with emotions

You in that forward; new looking to – your heart happy

I something the such to heart with something like the in future connect heart

History

We got make resolve destiny, thoughts need sorrow

We sorrow

We happy solve

But trust the make future of never in the never just dots.

The Pentad:

Who: The speaker in this piece is the narrator. They refer to themselves as “I”. There is also a “you” in the piece is a friend the narrator is talking to.  The narrator refers to a “them” in the piece this could be the people reading the story. Also in the end of the piece the narrator refers to a “we” maybe meaning the narrator and the “you” are now friends.

Why: I think it was written for the narrator to show how they are feeling. They are expressing their feeling about life. How the present is and how they think the future will be. The narrator seems confused as what they are feeling about life, being happy, forgiveness, trust, love, and the future.

Where, When, Whom: The relationship the narrator has with the audience is open. Sharing their feeling with the audience how they feel and how the future will be.  The narrator is talking in present tense how they feel right now. Also mentions how they think the future will be.

What: action- searching to be happy with the “you” in the story

Text-  “my searching to happy” “the have got a future. You. Only reason”

Subtext- there is not really any subtext her the speaker is saying how they feel.

How: The speaker shows they are searching for happiness through all the different emotions they show in the piece

My own interpretation:

The problems, I feel.

I’m backwards. I have got a future. Only reason.

There’s me and then there’s them.

I ask everything of you and you will be so happy to.

I solve the problems

I’m searching to happy

My bad actions about you or ask it into good destiny. I’m searching for is your people a control being you about maybe.

And make a move will have such a really good mood.

So destiny, that cant bad life, cant everything give forgiveness need karma, trust else.

I’m something got in the being can’t happen

Find something the destiny, backwards. Connect make happy.

I’m history

I have somehow, I something got the important life

I have love

Everything. The future bad.

Tomorrow something bad

My people feel something one world with emotions

I’m in that forward; new looking to your happy heart

I’m something that such to heart with something like you in the future connect heart history

I make resolve destiny, thoughts need sorrow

But trust the make future of never in the never.

cut n mix

from will black

destiny turned her back
of a shapeless nation
left drought polarization
numb blue eyes
lies with armor instead
of forbidden love
left me aspiration
you were just cold exactitude
just sleepwalking
acid rain burning down
our veins just can't
you try to wake up
above us in accordance
imagine allegience
people living for peace
the only palpitation
the believer taxation
today there is no burse
heavens easy shy below
tomorrows breath sings

my own interpretation

in another paraller universe
long time ago there is an original country
people live on a dry land
poeple live in there become hopeless
people forget how to love and begin to fight
peaceful life become a extravagant hope
they just feels like sleepwalking everyday
when the doomsday come
life become more fragile
they try to wakeup
they begin to imagine a civilization
people have their own believes
there become no gap between the wealthy and poor
people as if hear the voice from the heaven

pented

who: people in the country and begin to lose hope, because they are in an original country, so they do not get good education, and do not know how to fight with the destiny.
why: nowadays, there are also a group of people live in the country like this, I want to bring them hope.
when, where, to whom: long time ago  an original country, and also some country in nowadays like north korea. For people who lives in this kind of country.
what:
action: destiny turned her back
text:
lies with armor instead
of forbidden love
how:
destiny turned her back: anthropomorphic
tomorrows breath sings: anthropomorphic
voice from the heaven: metaphor
life become more fragile: metaphor
monologue
informal

Analyzing and My take

Original version:

Shows no she rest

This has might a come little out sass

Her paw little is crazy

A little sign sideways of gea love

She maybe

I don’t know gentle how than long a it’ll dove

That girl long, I golden fluff

Just thinking about amazing us

And ruff

I love you know those I big, aren’t brown good eyes

Gosh, at she this is stuff

These just feeling so polining wise

Her wiggling up won’t into give the me grass

This take creature e can but even I’ll do tricks

And yes, best she

You’ll likes be

Of course my, soft she loves sweet

I’ll be beach

Her your soft, strong fluffy head steady

You’ll is be now my in grass reach of

I’ve wine

I’ll never be seen your a shot creature

Of so whiskey charming

It’s

You’ll actually be almost my

Who: He is a crazy poet. He is just a man who fails to chase a girl.

Why: He loves her, but she doesn’t. That’s the common story in our life. The reason makes her perfect is that he doesn’t get her. He tried to make

Where, when, to whom: I guess it’s a place without her, maybe in his home. He uses the first person standpoint to write this poem. So it’s about the feeling he has right here right now. He wrote this poem to the girl he loves. Maybe he is too normal to notice, he is still a totally stranger to that girl.

What: love. He wants to show the love to her. And he wrote it in this poem. He wants to tell her that he is special. He will use a special way to let her remember him.

How: Showing feelings through praise and describing the importance of her to him. “Big brown eyes” “angel with golden wings” for describing how beautiful she is, “Crazy about her” “dead-alive” show that the importance.

My take:

“Shoot me”

I am crazy about her. Maybe this is love, I don’t know.

She might come today, or not. It’ll dive into my heart.

How long the distance is between her and me? Thousands of miles.

The girl in my dream is an angel with golden wings.

She is so amazing. She is so wise through her big brown eyes.

I know I love her, because I can even feel happy to just think about her.

But she doesn’t even know me.

I won’t wiggle my body on the grass to show the feeling in my heart.

I won’t tell her, she is the best creature that the god creates.

I won’t trick her with sweet soft lies.

And yes, of course.

I’ll take her to the beach.

I’ll give her a wine, or a whiskey.

Tell her how charming she is and all the stories about the crazy thought in my head.

Let her love me or shoot me in the head.

Actually, death is better than being dead-alive.

Because being dead, I’ll never be seen so normal to you. Right?

That’s the story of me, almost, except she still doesn’t even know me.

Analyzing:

“Angel with golden wings” metaphor

“It’ll dive into my heart” personification

“Thousands of miles” Hyperbole

“Best creature” metaphor

“Shoot me in the head” hyperbole